Thursday, January 29, 2015
I've turned into an angsty teenage vampire. Not a proud place to be in the whole grieving process. Try as I might, I can only beat it back for a day or two and then there it is. I know that it is annoying for people and counterproductive to the healing process. I don't know how to stop it. I've tried talking about it but it just makes me (in my opinion) sound shallow and jealous. The most recent form my impending second teenhood has taken is not being invited places. A lot of the time I do not even want to attend these events. I'm not even mad. I just get sad and move on. Unfortunately, as soon as I run into these people I become a whiny teenager EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT WANT TO GO. I really like these people. My issues are my issues. I need to work on reeling them in and to stop talking about them to people. Wow, I am painting a very flattering picture of myself. I know I need to talk about things, but maybe, just maybe, I need to keep some crap to myself. My friend S told me that maybe I am just bummed after all the parties and stuff I went to during the holidays. Which is probably closer to the truth. I am also terrible when someone throws a wrench in plans that have been solidified. Outside of illness or family crap. I'm not a total monster, people. I don't always want to go to the stuff I'm invited to. I mostly go because it would be rude to turn down too many invites. It's only been two months since my mom died but I feel like it has been an eternity. I feel like I am stuck in Twil.ight vampire mode. Everything, even simple things are riddled with angst, insecurities and lots of other big words. A lot of the time I just want to stay home. But then I am home and I can't wait to leave to do something. Next weekend I volunteered to help clean out the house my mom shared with her new husband. I'm not ready but I can't let others carry the burden forever. Did you come here for crafts? I have something for you, too. Here is a Captain America shield fruit pizza I made for my partner's recent milestone birthday. I had never made a fruit pizza before and I am aware the proportions are off. The popularity of the party was rated as: Birthday Boy, Papi's (my dad) guacamole and dairy-free fruit pizza. here. Thanks for visiting.
Posted by Samantha at 6:19 AM