Thursday, April 16, 2015

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Don't google losing weight from grief

You'll just get a lesson on depression.

People are commenting about my appearance. Apparently, I look like I am losing weight. I know I am. My little belly (that I hate) seems to be receding. I don't really have a lot of weight to lose. When I was weighed in December I think I was 116. If you are using one of those weight charts I should be about 125 but I generally hover around 118.

I was having blood pressure issues early in the process but that dropped back to normal a few months ago.

GriefShare talks about how people should go see their doctor after a loss. I've been putting it off.

I promised my grandma I would make an appointment with the doctor.

Thursday, April 9, 2015


I'm having problems with sleeping and anxiety. I've only slept approximately eight hours in two days. A single anxious thought keeps me up for hours.

Last week I woke up in the middle of an anxiety attack.

I just need a good night's sleep.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Just resting

I have been actively avoiding doing anything stressful or beneficial for my career for a few months now. I know it is time to pick up the pace but I am exhausted. I just want to rest. My personal deadline is when they rule on my mom's death. That is hopefully coming this week. Hopefully tomorrow or Friday at the latest.

Watching my friends gain accolades and honors should be propelling me forward, but I just want to rest. 

It's time to start stepping up and sending out applications/making contacts.

Work has been stressful and right now I cannot imagine starting someplace new.  Uprooting my family sounds impossible and expensive.

I am amazing, talented and a hard worker. I am also depressed and I want to sleep all the time.